People close to proximity are witnesses of my endless rants. They are the firsthand victims of my desire to escape. Oh how I had been craving for a change of scenery for the past weeks. Bukidnon was what I needed. It was my chance to escape from my job, school, family, church, and whatever Iligan offered.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my job, my schooling, my church, and my family. How could I not? But the past few weeks were unbearable. I was exhausted. I was doing poorly in everything. There were too many things to be done, too many deadlines to finish, too many people to interact with. A change of scenery was what my heart wanted! what my heart needed! what my heart craved for!
“Escape” was what my heart whispered when I asked for solutions.
The folly of listening to thy heart’s whispering has always been a human flaw. My belief towards my heart’s craving is an expression of an unbelief towards the sufficiency of the Scriptures and the fellowship that the Lord provided.
During my four-day stay in Bukidnon, I realized how utterly wicked my heart was and still is. That there is no such thing as escape when the thing you’ve been trying to escape from is embedded within you. The problem is not the problem, the problem is the heart. Vanderwier’s words would always echo into my conscience whenever I see barricades of unbelief in my heart.
Materialism, narcissism, and idolatry ruled my heart. My heart manufactured idols every day, and that made me miserable. I have been chasing man-made things, heart-made things. I have been filling my heart with so many empty things that made it more empty and hungry for more emptiness. My escape after all was not the solution. Escape is never the answer to a wicked heart. It’s surrender. And not just mere surrendering.
When I look to myself, I can only see folly and vain trappings.
When I look to the One who created my heart, I see hope and deliverance.